Sunday, November 18, 2018

Pork Katsu is life

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    (Akai Lounge in Westfield, NJ)

    Hey! So here I am trying to update. Let's see how things go and if I can keep this up. I'm hoping that I get back into the swing of things. I mainly like to blog because I'm able to capture moments. It's different than posting images on social media where I just capture good moments. This blog feels more private to me. I am able to post how I truly feel. I can be myself here without fear or consequence. It's so important that I keep being me and work towards progressing. Yesterday, I saw a therapist and being able to talk to someone without judgement has been fantastic for me. I want to keep going and learn how to deal with things before they escalate. It's been something that I never thought I would have considered but now the stigma is gone. I encourage those who want to go as well to just go. Do it for yourself! It's not something that should be frowned upon. We all need to take care of ourselves and nurture what's inside. It's important that we take steps to be happy in life. *Two cents thrown in here. 

Friday, November 16, 2018

Hi all,

I've been feeling shitty as of late. 

I want to be happy. How does one become happy?  What can I do to overcome this feeling of despair?

I honestly don't know who I am at this point. I don't like who I have become but I'm not sure how to stop the cycle. I feel like I have a lot of relearning to do. I need to find who I am as a person and love myself. 

I've been struggling in a relationship where I'm not even sure if it's even worth it anymore. I want to call it quits but its difficult when you feel as though your love is still there. I often ask myself if I am making the right choice by being with this person. When I view things rationally and take myself out of the equation I would have advised my close friend to leave that person.  Why is it that I  can give this advice? But I can't seem to follow it myself. 

I hate that my mind and heart don't cooperate together. 

I have so much I want to write and say but the words are stuck. There's a giant lump in my throat that can't seem to put into words everything that I want to let out. Inside I feel like I'm so lost and scared. I don't know what it is I want and how to do better, be better. 

I have these tattoos of a birdcage and birds flying out of it. I don't really view it everyday it's something that I just live with. But today the meaning of the tattoo struck me deeply. Right now, I'm embodying the bird trapped inside. I want desperately to be free and soar but don't know how.

(I'm going to end this post here).