Friday, November 16, 2018

Hi all,

I've been feeling shitty as of late. 

I want to be happy. How does one become happy?  What can I do to overcome this feeling of despair?

I honestly don't know who I am at this point. I don't like who I have become but I'm not sure how to stop the cycle. I feel like I have a lot of relearning to do. I need to find who I am as a person and love myself. 

I've been struggling in a relationship where I'm not even sure if it's even worth it anymore. I want to call it quits but its difficult when you feel as though your love is still there. I often ask myself if I am making the right choice by being with this person. When I view things rationally and take myself out of the equation I would have advised my close friend to leave that person.  Why is it that I  can give this advice? But I can't seem to follow it myself. 

I hate that my mind and heart don't cooperate together. 

I have so much I want to write and say but the words are stuck. There's a giant lump in my throat that can't seem to put into words everything that I want to let out. Inside I feel like I'm so lost and scared. I don't know what it is I want and how to do better, be better. 

I have these tattoos of a birdcage and birds flying out of it. I don't really view it everyday it's something that I just live with. But today the meaning of the tattoo struck me deeply. Right now, I'm embodying the bird trapped inside. I want desperately to be free and soar but don't know how.

(I'm going to end this post here).

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